My mom is pretty normal when no one is around, but when my friends come over she's a completely different person!
She takes over our conversations and won't leave us alone. Sometimes she even puts me down in front of my friends and tries to make them take her side (playfully, but it still hurts).
I know she's just trying to be a cool mom, but all my friends think she's insane. How can I make her chill out?
24 member responses
Be clear, but friendly about it. Sometimes when friends would be at my house, my mom would end up just sitting on the couch in the same room as us. She doesn't mean to intrude or try to be "one of the guys," she's just relaxing in her own house.
If it got to be awkward, I'd just tell her (or imply loudly and to nobody in particular) that we'd be doing kid stuff, or maybe watching a movie that it would be totally awkward to have her watch with us (an incident with The 40-Year-Old Virgin springs to mind).
Say you want to just be with your friends right now and that you'll get plenty of chances to spend time with her since you live together. The important thing is to not do the whiny-teenager-who-hates-her-parents thing because that'll just make you look bad. --Posted by cabbijpatch 10:29AM EST 09/08/08
Maybe She Wants to be Close to You
While the relationship between you and your mom may never have been super buddy buddy in the first place, it seems to me that perhaps you've drifted away from your mom and to your friends.
When you were young, you, like most of us, probably told your mom everything and were close to her. As you got older, that may have changed. Seeing that you seem to entrust your friends with things you no longer feel comfortable telling her may hurt your mom and drive her (subconciously) to seek your acceptance through the acceptance of your friends (which explains putting you down in front of them).
My advice would be to talk to her. Rather than keeping everything from her, let her in your life a bit, even if to just explain how math was awful or how your frenemy is positively annoying. You may be suprised at the results. By giving her some part of you to hold on to, she'll be more likely to let go a bit and no longer try to befriend your friends or try to be the "cool" mom. The "cool" mom usually wants to befriend her daughter because mothering her has left her out in the cold (remember Regina's mom in Mean Girls?) --Posted by modelistic 12:49AM EST 09/08/08
Have a talk with her. Tell her that it's okay for her to be nice, but that those are your friends and it makes you uncomfortable. You have your friends and she needs to have hers. --Posted by blankly 12:32AM EST 09/08/08
Often times as you get older, your mom will become one of your closest friends. But right now it seems like that type of relationship is only knocking your world askew.
Just tell her that you need a mom and not a best friend. Just so she doesn't start to think that you're just being stubborn to prevent her feelings from getting hurt, be sure to mention how much you adore her when it's just the two of you. Let her know that the humor she uses around your friends is hurtful.
I don't know your exact age but I imagine you're still in high school, so she may see this as rebellion. You can either make or break the conversation. Your opinion will have more weight if you don't raise your voice at her or become accusatory.
Please remember that a conversation like this really could hurt her feelings. When I needed space and said so the first time, I felt like the biggest jerk afterwards. --Posted by frost1111 11:28PM EST 09/07/08
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